How This Slouch fan is Showing His Appreciation to the World

Valentine’s Day is always such a rough day to get through for me. I really just desire to be held throughout the night while 50 First Dates plays on repeat in the other room. On this particular Valentine’s Day I had to work, however, and thus spent my day interviewing a man by the name of Chris Judgefield, the self-proclaimed #1 fan of Slouch (an animator on the platform most refer to as YouTube). Judgefield was not a very difficult man to interview; he seemed to know what he wanted to say, and didn’t require any help or questions on my end. Made the job one hundred times easier, thank fuck, but that meant I had more time to think about how much I long for the touch of another. 

“You know I just found Slouch’s channel not too long ago, and I’m already loving it to death.” Judgefield told me as we talked on his back patio, overlooking the misty pond below. “If you love him so much, why don’t you marry him?” I muttered under my breath, but that just led me to begin dreaming of marrying someone myself (something I often think about as I am getting ready for bed at night). “He’s a great animator,” Judgefield continued, “family friendly, accessible, and enlightening. And, I’m just really than-” 

“blah, blah, blah, my name is ChRiS and I aM lOvEd by My fAmiLy” WHATEVER DUDE, WHO CARES?? JESUS CHRIST.
-Chris Judgefield, SSN: 808-87-7797 (face blurred to protect Chris Judgefield’s privacy)

At some point in his periphrastic praise for the animator, I zoned out. I recalled Judgefield mentioning the word “family,” and it led me to think about my own. If my parents knew the desires I have, would they still accept me? I found myself thinking. This is a question I ask myself often, and every time I run the scenario through in my head, I get the same results. Why even bother expecting love from my parents ever again?! Furthermore, why even bother expecting to receive love of any kind from anyone at this point in my life? I will die a hopeless romantic. 

“Slouch, if I could say one thing to you man, I’d say go animate,” Judgefield concluded. I wish someone talked about me the way Judgefield talked about Slouch. My conversation with the man led me to determine this is my worst Valentine’s Day since 2019. 

for the video interview with Chris Judgefield, click here.

By Wally Wimblytoes, 2/14/2020

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